School and life help ? plz?

Hello , my names C.J. and im almost 16 years old i am writing this letter for answers and help i am worryed for my future all i've ever been was a D or F student in cl id lke to change my ways and not become another definition of a black man.I am also writing ths letter because theres no onefor me to talk to about this when i go to my mom all she can say is "your only hurting yourself, Not me".Most people learn from learning, meaning when they learn something it makes them want to learn more well it works for me but not very long. right now i am homeschoolng at k12.com 9th grade which has online teachers but i am so behind whats not good about ths school is once u are behind its not like regular school it jsut ads up and u have to finish it i am months behind because of depresstion =( i am still trying to learn fractions and they got me on Geomatry i have no idea how to catch up i see kids 4 years younger then me and feel stupid because they are way educated than me some times thnk about suicide because i dont want to live if m liveing to fail another problem is my mom jsut had a baby so sometimes i dont have times for school wanna be smart so bad and learnthings yet dont wanna take the time to because of al the other things i can do playng video games Klls me thats why i hate todays technology. the only talents that i know i have are in Video games and that is not good towards my career i am jsut so sad and have so much anger my mom trys to help me but backtalk to her i lie to her all the time i need a sholder to cry on the last 11 years of my life have been a waist of time its hitting me now how hard life is all i've ever done was think something would come to help me or some one i realy wanna change im sick of this everyone looking done on me ers where i lvie even get better grades then me and htats not right i am way more intellgenct then them i know that much i wish i could jsut cry on my moms sholders but she wouldn't take it seriously i dont know anything i enjoy doing i like entertaining people rather then playing video games but htats ab out t i have never read a book but have tryed so many times i am trying to read anne frank but ill only read 2 pages then go play video games or watch TV id love to jsut wakeup one day and say i wanna learn rather then jsut going to the rest room then go play video games or watch TV i am typeing this letter because feel i wanna share wth some one also it makes me feel better to type all this out of my head and if u are reading this it might look slopy but i was jsut brain storming plz helpp me someone im very scared for my self and dont know what im going to do